In Spotlight

We have all had the thought cross through our mind, BDSM (Bondage, Dominations, sadism, and masochism). In fact, 85% of people have tried it once in their life and yet in modern day culture it’s considered to be a taboo, even in the LGBTQ community. But for some, this is not just a lifestyle but also a way to make an income.

Meet Madam Kendall Penny, a professional southern dominatrix who is letting BEAU sit one on one with her to spill the tea of the secret world of BDSM.

(BEAU) Everyone has sex. It is a part of life. It is how life is created. For some people the topic of sex and pleasure is a taboo. Why do you think that? Why do you think some people are shy to talk about sex?

People are shy to talk about sex for varied reasons. The most common I find are because of the ways in which we are conditioned by peers, parentals, authority, and other systems of power. It also stems from a purity and appropriateness as it relates to sex from the American puritanical belief systems. Most people carry shame as it relates to their sexuality and therefore care not to speak about it with others.

 (BEAU) To you, what is the difference between a fetish and a kink?

A fetish is an integral part of a person’s sexuality while a kink is something that would be a plus if added to the play. A fetish has a deeper attachment and need.

 

(BEAU) For those who don’t know, what does being a Dominatrix mean? Why is this a turn on to so many men? Do you see this more in Gay/Bi men or Straight men?

Well, I personally don’t really use the word Dominatrix unless I am speaking to people who have ZERO understanding or experience in the BDSM community. I use the word Domme. Males in society are told to always have the answer, be strong, be in power, and on and on. Most males actually do not feel that way but act that way for others. Many of them express their desires for spaces of submission and the relinquishment of control under the hand of another. I do not have gay males who see me. They are bisexual, pansexual, or heterosexual identified. Who doesn’t LOVE a strong Femme character in a movie that can make men bend under her gaze?

(BEAU )What are some terms in the BDSM/ Dominatrix world?

Top – One who penetrates, Bottom – one who is penetrated

Vers – one who does both

Domme – Femme Dominant

Dom – Masculine Dominant

Switch – someone who likes to be in Dominant and submissive roles and can switch depending on who it’s with

submissive – one who submits but has boundaries

Slaves –  total servant with no boundaries, focuses on worshipping, adoration, and servitude

Rigger – person who ties people up

Rope Bunny – someone who likes to be tied up

Degrader/Humiliator – someone who enjoys degrading and humiliating others

Degradee – someone who enjoys begin degraded or humiliated

Polyamorous – holding many relationships at one time 

Sadistic – one who enjoys inflicting pain on others 

Masochist – one who enjoys receiving pain. 

 

(BEAU)  Many see BDSM as a secret? Do you think so?

Many people view most things as a secret. I believe that the world of BDSM can teach the nation how to have conversations about sexual consent, personal needs, identities, development, trust, fear, pain, vulnerability, and personal growth. It’s a shame vanilla sexual culture is missing out on all of it!

 

(BEAU)   I know you are outspoken about this culture, why? What role do you play in this culture

 I am very open about it as am I about everything. I find that it’s a disservice to society for me to keep anything a secret any longer. That vulnerability is desperately needed at this time. My purpose in life is to create connection. I work to try to make things more accessible and knowledgeable to people who may have never before had access. I am a Domme personally and professionally.

(BEAU)   When trying BDSM, what is something to be expected? (just for those newbies who are going to read this)

You’re more than likely going to get uncomfortable. That’s the point.

(BEAU)  What kind of advice or recommend to someone who is new to BDSM?

Trust yourself.  Speak your truth.  Learn your boundaries.  Talk about them with your partners.  Dive deeply into yourself as though your life depends on it because it does and enjoy the most meaningful relations you could have ever conceived of.

 

(BEAU)  Sex-Ed is currently being changed in schools to teach kids more about sex. Do you think this topic should be taught in schools? Why or why not.

Honey, our sex-ed programs are a joke. They don’t even include trans and intersex people. Literally erasing humanity in order to portray a cisgender heteronormative experience. All sexualities and genders should be taught. Let me in that classroom. I’ll school them kids. I’m not sure BDSM should be taught. That might be a bit much. More like college level stuff.

 

(BEAU) When you are with a partner, how does that make you feel? How does your partner feel? What goes through your mind?

I love making the masculine kneel beneath me but lez be honest honey, these damn fools are begging to submit to me. I am a huge degrader so I love using words along with physical play to crack open the insecurity of the masculine, baring it vulnerable for me to hold it accountable to it’s ways. Bust it wide open and hold it hostage. Make them look at what they always have run away from. Shove their slutty little faces in it like a dog. I feel so invigorated from it. It’s a privilege to be able to guide these males along this journey of self-discovery and love.

 

(BEAU) How did you fall into the world of dominatrix?

Once I removed mind-altering substances from my life (drugs and alcohol) I fell into the feminine. I began to allow to be taken over by my feminine energy and in doing so I was met with self-confidence and Dominance. It’s really quite beautiful how that happened. I always felt so disempowered by masculinity and trying to present that to the world.

 

(BEAU) Is there a “typical partner” you always get? Ex-military guys, business, etc.

Most of my clients are males in hyper-masculine positions: the military is my number one, bodybuilders, married men, businessmen.

 

(BEAU) Do you think women or men are more into this culture?

I have typically worked alone in the culture. I have moved to Portland to find a community to begin playing with. I think there is an even amount of kinksters both male and female identied but then there are a TON of trans and gender non-binary folks who are into BDSM.

 

(BEAU)How do your friends and family feel about this culture?

Most of my friends aren’t into it but my platonic partner is. We get to talk about it and share experiences which is truly valued. My immediate family is really quite vanilla and they don’t understand it but they also don’t ask questions either. I don’t think they want to know. lol Scaredy cats.

 

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